Waters of change
Acceptance doesn’t have to mean being ok with something. It doesn’t mean that you like it or want it. Accepting something that we cannot control is to have willingness to experience what just is.
As I write, I see a vivid pattern emerging, a commonality or shared experience within the farming community. I write this to try to give you something useful with which to deal with something that is mostly out of your control - namely the new freshwater rules and regulations. I am not an expert on these new rules - I am a counsellor - but I am rural person working with other rural people. I do not need to be an expert on these rules however, to see that they are causing angst, misery and uncertainty within our rural communities.
The serenity prayer goes something like this: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”. The first thing to know is that I would encourage you to change what you can practically change - but I know that you are probably already doing that. You will probably also already know what you cannot change, and there lies the problem.
This is pretty frustrating stuff right? New laws and requirements made by clipboard carrying, hi-vis wearing bureaucrats in downtown Wellington. You didn’t ask for this and you’re doing your best to understand it and implement what has been asked of you, often at high personal and financial cost. Farmers are getting it in the neck - I always say to people who are critical of farmers that you may need a doctor every year but you will need a farmer 3 times a day. At least. Know that you are doing a good job - a hard job with sometimes very little thanks, and this just feels like a kick in the teeth. Not only are you dealing with rising costs, more regulations, meat prices that are only just recovering from a huge drop due to Covid (and THAT is something that no one is really talking about), but you work in often quite isolated conditions with every second news article critical of environmental farming practices. Of course there are farmers who are not scrupulous but most farmers that I know care a great deal for the land and their stock - much of the criticism is one-eyed and ignores the blatant consumerism, manufacturing and vehicle and dog pollution created in our cities and towns.
So, how can we be ok with something that we are inherently not ok with? Our minds are built to try and solve problems - but when something is un-solve able, sometimes the best solution is to accept the situation the way that it is without trying to change it. The situation will be the way that it is, if you have feelings of anger and frustration around it, or if you do not. By accepting what is, you will reduce your feelings of frustration, anger, helplessness or whatever comes up for you. This does not mean being fine with, or resigning yourself to the situation. When we drop the struggle of frustration over how things “should” be, we are more likely to be able to accept the facts of the situation. This in turn will make it more likely that you can move forward in the way that you choose. This is an active response that feels counter-intuitive at first, but if nothing else has worked so far to help with your difficult thoughts over the situation, what have you got to lose? “Showing up” for this experience means doing what has to be done and not denying whatever thoughts, emotions and feelings arise - it may feel uncomfortable at first but it will help your mind to be clear enough to actually deal with your reality, instead of pushing things away or getting angry at your family/workers.
Often, there is comfort in knowing that there is a shared or common experience of suffering. I am writing this article because this issue keeps coming up. There are a lot of you all in the same predicament. You are not alone in your frustration. You have all been asked to do something that is incredibly difficult. Showing yourself some kindness by reminding yourself of this can be crucial in accepting your emotion.
Finally, remember why you do what you do. You’re a farmer and you probably became a farmer because you are passionate about the outdoors/animal care/ not being stuck in an office/caring for the land/farming lifestyle/raising children on a farm/etc etc etc. Whatever the combination is for you, there are important values underpinning the reasons why you farm. Never lose sight of this - the new rules and regulations may be a hindrance at best, abhorrent at worst, but you’re still here and you’re still trying to make the best of the situation because there are more important things at play for you - your life values.
If this article has raised issues for you, I reiterate to you again that you are not alone. Talk to someone. That might be your partner, a mate, your stock agent, neighbour or counsellor. Never be afraid to speak up and ask for help - there is true strength in seeking help.